Twenty-six names. That's the waiting list for the December career coffee as of this week, typed into a note on my phone in the order people asked. Thirteen months ago, I was hoping eight women would show up to the first one.
We've now had five of these quarterly Saturday mornings at the long table in a coffee shop on Bank Street: 9 to 11, free, pastries on me. Here's what the year looked like, what people asked about most and what I'd do differently.
| Date | Women | What came up most |
|---|---|---|
| Sept 13, 2025 | 9 | Raises, and a job offer with a Monday deadline |
| Dec 6, 2025 | 12 | Year-end reviews and brag documents |
| Mar 7, 2026 | 15 | Raises during review season, going back to work |
| June 6, 2026 | 14 | Job offers and career changes |
| Sept 19, 2026 | 18 | Raises, promotions and returning to work |
That's 68 seats over five Saturdays, filled by women from Decatur, Huntsville, Athens, Hartselle and Madison. Pastries ran about $38 each time, so roughly $190 for the year, logged under "career" on the budget spreadsheet.
What people asked about most
Everyone opens by saying her first name, her town and one work question she's carrying. I've written every opening question on an index card since the first meetup, so I can actually count them:
- Raises and pay: 24
- Job offers, including whether and how to counter: 15
- Going back to work after time at home: 13
- Changing careers: 11
- Everything else, from difficult managers to whether to finish a degree: 5
The pay questions were almost never "How much should I make?" They were "How do I bring it up?" Most women at that table already had a number in mind. What they didn't have was a first sentence, and practicing one out loud across the table turned out to be the most useful ten minutes of most mornings.
From the HR side, the thing that moved people most wasn't anything I said. It was another woman saying what she makes, out loud, with her job title attached. I spent fourteen years watching how much pay secrecy costs people. A table of near-strangers undid a little of it in two hours.
What worked
- The same opening every time. Name, town, question. New people know exactly what's expected of them in the first minute.
- The one-number rule. When someone brings a pay question, the table asks for one number first: her current pay, the posted range or the offer. Vague questions get vague answers.
- Ending at 11. People leave wanting another hour, which is why they come back.
- Pastries ordered ahead. The shop has them plated when I walk in, and the staff has stopped asking what the long table is for.
What I'd do differently
- Cap it at 16. At 18 in September, the two women at the far end couldn't hear the middle of the table. December will be capped, and the waiting list goes first come, first served.
- Ask for a heads-up. June had three empty chairs from women who'd said yes. Now I send a reminder text on Thursday asking people to free up their seat if plans change, and the seat goes to the next name on the list.
- Talk less. I said this after the very first coffee, and I still talk too much in the first half hour. In September, less than three weeks after my promotion to senior project manager, several women wanted the whole story, and I told it for 20 minutes. Next time I'll give it five and let them ask questions.
I won't claim the coffees changed anyone's career. A few women have told me afterward that they asked for a raise or countered an offer. Some got a yes, one got a "not this year," and every one of them said the first sentence came easier because she'd already said it out loud on a Saturday. That's enough for me to keep ordering pastries.
Here's what I said at the end of the September coffee, when someone asked whether this would keep going: "As long as you keep bringing questions, I'll keep bringing pastries." Twenty-six women on a list for sixteen chairs means I need a better answer than one table, so I'm thinking about adding a second Saturday in January for the overflow. Ben says that's how a hobby turns into a second job. He's probably right, and I'm probably doing it anyway.
